What drove me this past year?

Chapter 1: The Training

When I arrived at Infosys, at first I actually really enjoyed myself. A beautiful campus with awesome infrastructure lay in front of me. There was a bit of pride in landing myself here, maybe it was arrogance (A little arrogance is needed in everything I feel).

So many new people, my peers, in the same boat. I had never ever met so many diverse people from so many different states under a single roof. Things started off really well, I had loads of fun. So many firsts’ in my life that week when I joined. My first job, my first search for house to stay in, my first peer competition (engeneering was never about being first, it was just survival), my first rent payment; the list goes on. (Actually I have run out of things here: D)

Training was awesome, I became an instant back bencher, a fully air conditioned classroom with projectors and stuff. My batch was entirely non-Comp sci. So everyone (except few psychos) was new to IT. First week were entirely filled with soft skill trainings. I just love these sessions even though I crib about them along with everyone elseJ.

Our soft skills facilitator was a Mrs. Sushmita Sen (you wish). In such class rooms sessions I completely tranform, and become this highly extroverted character; the very kind of quality I detest in others during technical sessions. The full day sessions filled with interactive small projects and assignments really kept me going. The initial days were great in office, but the evenings became boring and lonely. My parents and Lavi were the only people on my mind. I just couldn’t take anymore of it. I obviously had not made any close enough friends to hangout with yet. And when I start missing people I tend to get into this shell and shun attention towards myself. (A trait I’m hoping to correct this year)

To my luck 2 guys automatically approached me to be their roommates. We in turn got another 3. I was very apprehensive about one character though, he seemed cunning, clever and not to my liking at all. I was again proven that my first instinct about people sucks; this guy is one of my best friends today. So the roomies; Kalyan, Swithin, Sarath, Saurabh, Sajay and I got together in a “great” place called ToliChowki. A three bedroom apartment with two small balconies; the place was great except for the location. Getting food during the initial weeks were a nightmare. There were only fruits and a few small eats from a bakery nearby. Aaahh, the famous dilkush.

If I was suffering, some my non-vegetarian friends were appalled by the lack of “everything” they called food. The only choices were lamb, mutton or beef; all raw. (Listed all 3, as I’m not exactly an expert here, one of these for sure though)

So the group gelled well together. Evenings became much better and my loneliness vanished quickly. Technical training started; and my master plan for CAT 2004 began. Classes, heaps of books, normal study, thirutu study etc. were all doing rounds in my mind. Classes in Infy were from 9 to 12 AM in the mornings. After a “sumptuous” lunch we used to head back to our cubicles to supposedly work on our assignments. I had meanwhile joined IMS Hyderabad, since I had joined IMS back in Chennai just before arriving. Fate it is, that TIME was No: 1, No: 2.etc till infinity in Hyderabad. IMS was virtually non-existent.

The CAT classes were during the weekend, but I was the only one in my batch attending anything close to such coaching. “Believe in yourself even if alone, you can achieve anything”. This is what I had faith in. Considering the mess I made in 2004, I should do some serious re thinking J on this quote.

So I forgo all the wonderful pubs and antiquated locations in Hyderabad for my IMS classes. The instructor was in fact pretty good, but he was deeply pissed in general, as he had been transferred as director Hyderabad from Mumbai as had some trouble with the management there. Hyderabad was like village to him, since TIME had all the numbers.

I incidentally meet another two brilliant minds at IMS, one of them was a Prahlad too. I guess this name sticks to all the right people J. So our classes kept moving on. Exams and tests were a part of the CAT classes as well as in office during training.

Infy exams/tests were objective based. After undergoing the extremely superb training in eliminating choices right from DOTE for Engineering to the various CAT tests, objective tests have always been a breeze. So without much preparation tests in Infy went pretty well.

I cared little about competition at Infy anymore; it was all about the 1.5 Lac people writing on D-day.

Chapter 2: During and after October/November ‘04

So soon it was October and I had got my posting at Chennai; a huge sigh of relief for that again. Apparently they thought that my ECE background with IT was perfect for a Practice Unit in Infy called Product Engineering. Thanks to SVCE for that.

So soon, I was in Chennai; the major blunder I made here were that the months of October and November undid all the CAT preparation from May that year. I got excited easily that I was back home so soon; Hyderabad just felt like a really long field trip. Lacked maturity I guess, I still lack some and I intend to keep it that way. People equate maturity and seriousness these days, and taking too many things too seriously is never going to happen with me.

So this cost me, CAT was a disaster and I the worse part was that I didn’t feel too bad about the whole thing. Soon it started to sink in, that a whole year had gone by. Did I really want to get into a B-school that year, or was I just doing what my friends had done. This was question I had to ask and answer myself. I knew I could be strong in areas of management, as I realized that year during my training in Infy and that I had to get into a job with a profile where strategic decisions needed to be made regularly.

So the introspection started on “why an MBA?” I was 21 and I had done nothing, nothing of what I had dreamt of when in School. I had literally thrown away 4 years of engineering just having fun. My friends had moved on and I was stuck in Infosys doing stuff that I was just interested in as a hobby. I liked IT primarily because of the brainstorming sessions where challenges needed to be addressed regularly. I slowly realized that it was these challenges that I yearned for, and since brainstorming was the only avenue for lateral thinking in IT, I was excited only about it. Getting stuck in a logical problem during coding also intrigued me. I just needed real challenges I felt, where I am accountable for various decisions taken by my team and I.

Chapter 3: The Start for 2005

Meanwhile the MBA hype was going beyond control in the media. I needed to get out of one rat race first; one at a time. So my focus for D-day ’05 stared. Met few people and got some guidance on my future plans, to put in a structure which will be practical yet flexible. So the next goal had been set, I thought. Just get into the top few thousands on Nov 20^th ‘05. It wasn’t that bad, I kept telling myself. Out of 1.5 lacs, a good 50% were just for the heck of it. Another 20% would be like how I was during CAT 2004. So to compete with the top 30%. All these numbers were totally subjective and it was to keep me going, since confidence was at a low during January.

Then, the next big bang. Please report to Bangalore from tomorrow my PM said. “Tomorrow?.. Aarrghh”.

You’ll throw hurdles in my way, ok, ok; do so, let me see how I high I can jump and clear every one of them suckers.

But as usual my excitement almost got the better of me; I was in a way looking forward to Bangalore. I had money and a few friends there. But I didn’t have Lavi with me. Let’s make the maximum use of this even then I thought (fun wiseJ). The first few days showed me to myself, a complete lack of focus while studying. I just couldn’t put myself to the books. The TV, the comp etc. everything won and came first. The month of January ran quickly and I had achieved little.

Soon I was back in Chennai and leading a team of 3. It was good fun, and this was the period I learnt a lot. I completely made a mess of the project, but there were innumerable invaluable lessons. The project was for Finacle and my team was totally out of sync with each other. They had given us 15 days to complete the project, and guess how long it took..just guess..cmon.. May. It took from Feb to May. Hooray to the estimation. I was of course the scapegoat; hell if I were higher up above me I would have too slaughtered the same goat. But I was too young to understand and suffered more. Believe me slogging for something you don’t like makes a person feel really miserable.

Chapter 4: The middle

May suddenly dawned on me. 6 months were gone since I had set my goal; and where was I? I could give myself a big zilch. It was guidance time again, so this time it was TIME (when you keep trying year after year, you would have tried all the coaching institutes). The advice was strong and inspirational and got me going again. I started my classes with renewed vigor. Slowly I made some solid friends. Actually I was helped in forming a study gang with my good old friend from SVCE. Every one of them was performing better in the Aimcats during the period of Jun-July-Aug. This was in a way good for me, I knew by November the “Dark Knight” [:P] would pounce on the cat. Some good motivation from a guy in Mumbai also kept me going. He said the day would come when you would beat one of them, even in verbal. I remember laughing that day about his prediction. Well not anymore J and I’m happy to say that. I did beat them one by one and it gave me that extra surge I needed. (I should also mention here that they still kept beating me regularly, though not too often :D). It was September and all of us were almost in top gear. The pressure was high and good and the tests week in and week out kept us focused.

Chapter 5: Towards D-day and the disaster

Meanwhile the next project had started in office, and it was catching speed. As things always happen, the deadline was November 7^th for my first module and Dec 1^st for the next. The troubles and complexities in the project had just started and we were already in October. The deadline was going to be missed as in every other Finacle project as usual because of the horrifying estimations. My first module got completed just in time and I was saved. But unfortunately or fortunately I had to take leave till the 22^nd of Nov. Let me now come to the 20^th of November. I was all set, the usual pressure was there but I was ready. I have never ever been ready for examination; hence it did feel a little weird. My centre was the Meenakshi College. My Dad dropped me off in the lackluster traffic on a pleasant overcast Sunday morning. Immediately there were plenty of familiar faces. After a little socializing, I was left with my thoughts as I settled in a corner of the college. Soon I was going in full speed from 10 to 12 AM. The paper was different from ’04, but everyone had expected that. So no excuses there. I was indeed confident in the Quant and DI section, but Verbal had totally left me frustrated.

Soon I was out and walking on the Kodambakkam main bridge towards home. A flurry of phone calls poured in from friends and family. I was positive throughout and hoped for the best.

The key was out by evening. It was a disaster, my whole world seemed over. I was felt finished. Verbal had gone entirely negative, and DI was plain slaughter. Quant was pretty good. My friends too had suffered pretty bad blows except a couple of them. I was consoled by my family and Lavi who offered good support from Coimbatore. I was shattered and poured out on the beach in the night alone.

Chapter 6: The others

The next morning I felt like a disappointed child and refused to go to work. Sat at home the whole day, and cribbed. But in the end, I did feel a little better having cried it out. Everyone at home immediately asked “what’s next?” and their attitudes made me feel positive. I started thinking about GMAT and ISB/US (this is the usual shit a person feels after messing up an exam).

I immediately applied to sibm to widen my options. The week then moved on pretty fast with me totally getting involved in work. My new module had started and I had loads to code. Nov 27^th was the entrance to IIFT, and I had lost all hope and seriousness. It was just another exam. So all of us met up at Anna Adarsh and had good fun before, after and of course during the exam.

Exams then kept coming almost every week. I had JMET-for all the IIT’s, SNAP-for sibm. This finished off the year.

New Year was a blast in my friend’s beach house and Lavi had come down to cheer me up. So after some heavy partying it was back to the exams.

I continued working hard with my module throwing all kinds of challenges at me. It was a difficult period and slogging was understood and not questioned. There was no choice.

I was browsing through the time website sometime during the first week of the New Year, when I saw a link for IIFT come up. I was initially a little confused. But it was the result for the exam held in November. I checked it first, and got the expected answer from the server. “Sorry, but you have not been selected”.

I called up Satheesh and told him to check. He called back soon to inform me of bad news from his side too. This was pretty shattering even if we weren’t expecting a call. Satheesh then called me again after a few minutes to tell me that maybe we got our roll numbers wrong. We had initially checked the result with our log-in ID’s not the hall ticket roll number. So I got the number asap and checked it.

The emotions that ran through me were indescribable. I had gotten through the first stage. So had Satheesh. This roller coaster of emotions in 10 mins is something that I would never ever forget my entire life. It was failure at first, and then suddenly success smiling right at me. There were no words.

At least now I could forgive myself for the debacle on Nov 20^th. I had no reason to crib anymore, I had gotten a call, and even if were to remain only one, that would have be enough. A year’s effort at least didn’t go in vain.

It all started happening. The IIT’s released their ranking. I was 213 and was sure to get a call from IIT B, D and Kgp. Four calls, it felt like heaven compared to the shit I went through only months ago.

Meanwhile XAT came along with two exams for FMS. After a year of studies along with incessant talk about CAT I was free from the exam. A new test lay ahead; my strong point-Communication.

Contd:

This is till all my written exams neared completion. The roller coaster ride continues. This is as much as I can write in a day, so the second part will continue soon.